Last year, was one of my most “perfectly” planned years – ever. I had a European adventure in the beginning of the year, the creation and launch of a gorgeous signature program in the Spring and Summer, a beautiful and luscious retreat in the Fall, the start of a soul project, plus plenty of spaciousness for fun and pleasure.
I was ready.
I had done the work.
And now it was coming together.
Then I found out I was pregnant. Holy what?!
The excitement of this beautiful new life growing inside of me turned into thoughts like…
“How am I going to do all of this?”
“This wasn’t in the plans.”
“I’m not ready!”
Then feelings of guilt emerged for having those thoughts.
I had friends who were trying to conceive and here we were being given the gift of a baby. My complaints felt insignificant at best, selfish at worst.
So, I decided to suck it up and dove into super pregnant woman mode, which didn’t last long.
Morning, afternoon, and night sickness kicked in followed by crazy pains that had me worried something was seriously wrong.
When I arrived for my OB visit she laughed and said, “You’re not sick, you’re pregnant. Take it easy, rest, take a nap.”
Didn’t she know this wasn’t funny? I had things to do and accomplish in the 8 months before this baby arrived.
A few days later, I found myself in bed, under the covers, crying and feeling depressed and alone while my hubby was on a business trip. I thought it was unfair that he could still keep his life of traveling, eating fancy dinners, staying at nice hotels while I was miserable at our home.
The truth was he loved experiencing the pregnancy right along with me, which sometimes meant walking me around our home in the wee hours of the morning to ease pregnancy induced acid reflux. Deep down, I knew that leaving for work was tough on him, but that wasn’t the story I was telling myself. Instead, I created a fantasy that he was living the good life and and I was living the exact opposite experience.
Pre pregnancy, I could masterfully maintain a positive and upbeat attitude and if I was feeling down I could shift states with relative ease, but this time, it felt like I was in a rabbit hole of despair, which I knew was mostly due to the surge of hormones that was now flowing through me.
In between my desperate sobs, I knew that I needed to dig deeper and my sadness was the prime opportunity.
As I pulled back the layers and landed at the center of the matter I realized I was resisting what is. Instead of being completely in the present moment, I was trying to have life conform and fit to the very specific set of requirements that I had set. At the core, I was trying to control the process due to fear and it was causing me emotional pain.
I was afraid of becoming a mother and being responsible for this tiny human being.
I was also afraid of missing golden opportunities that I had been preparing for.
Yet, on the other side, I heard my soul whisper….
She wanted me to…
Surrender to the life that was growing inside me.
Surrender to a slower and quieter pace.
Surrender to my body that was adjusting to this new life and changing shape.
Surrender my perfect plans for the perfection of life.
When I heard this I immediately felt a wave of peace wash over me.
I saw that the gift I was receiving was bigger than any plan. This baby was my divine appointment.
I spent the next few days rescheduling, canceling and rearranging my life so I can focus on what mattered — taking care of myself and the baby. I kept the right amount of clients and the projects and commitments that no longer served this next evolution fell away naturally.
By listening to my inner voice, I now was experiencing another level of depth that I had never experienced before. In those moments my creativity flourished, my vision became crystal clear, and I formed a very deep bond with the growing baby inside of me and myself.
In our world, surrender gets a bad wrap – it’s seen as weak and giving up, however, it’s quite the opposite.
When we surrender we realize that the universe is conspiring for our next greatest evolution.
True surrender is stepping into strength.
Through surrender we are able to grasp the gifts of the present moment, that’s always pregnant with possibility.
You will never miss out, because you are always right on time.
You will never miss out, because life is happening for you.
You will never miss out, because now is all there is.
By surrendering we allow the magic of the moment to unfold because we are choosing the sacredness of the present.
For me, surrendering made me realize something I already knew, that this baby was right on time and the gateway of motherhood was preparing me for something more amazing than I could have ever imagined.
If you want to create any shifts in your life and work, call in your desires, and step into your light you must learn the sacred act of surrender. This is one of the most important distinctions I teach my clients and the more you do it the easier it becomes.
Questions for the Quest
What are you trying to control in your life right now?
What’s driving you to control this situation/circumstance? Is it fear? Insecurity? Lack of confidence? A shadow or limiting belief? Something else?
If you knew that you would never miss out, and the universe was conspiring for your highest unfoldment, how would you approach this situation/circumstance differently?
What’s the voice of surrender trying to tell you?
What gift/lesson would you gain if you make the choice to surrender? What possibilities open up as you as you make space for surrender?
What’s one small step you can take today to surrender if only a little bit?
In the comments please share what came up for you while reading this. I always love hearing from you and connecting with you.
Thank you for your presence and love.